Sick Semper Tyrannis
November 21, 2003

RANT #213: Misc.
Summary: Cough Syrup is our friend.
Questionable Content This rant contains profanity or other offensive material.
Full Text:

So I'm sitting here at 5:47 in the morning.  Why am I up, you might ask?  Well, because I'm in my third week of the flu.  Isn't that just fuckin' lovely?

Of course, I tried to get in to see my doctor.  But he got it too, and couldn't see anyone.  Such is the virulent and frankly sadistic nature of this virus.  I have taken to referring to it as Hantaflumonia.  People look at me oddly, but as you can imagine I am well accustomed to that.

My doctor eventually recovered, and I have not.  I  have no option but to assume that the virus has permanently bonded itself to my DNA.  But even if you tell that to one of the cold-blooded sadistic lizardmen who run pharmacies, they will still refuse to sell you a Kevorkian machine.  They just laugh as though you told a joke.  But I know it's schadenfreude.  They knew that if they waited long enough, they'd get their revenge.  Stuck behind their high counters, surrounded by various controlled substances that they can't even take to pass the time, and having every yahoo who thinks he's a comedian come in and ask for a rake.  And then having to tell them they're on Aisle 20, to their mutual discomfort.

So I got two prescriptions from my doctor.  One is for a narcotic cough syrup that inflicts nausea as a side effect and an antibiotic that must be taken with food.  Just think about that for a second.  Welcome to Hell, Dan!  And to add insult to injury, the cough syrup's label tells me to take a dose of two teaspoons, and the little nurse's cup that came with it measures only milliliters.  If I  was well enough to do <i>math</i>, I wouldn't need the damn cough syrup!

So I'm getting progressively more woozy as I write this because I figured out that 10Ml = 2TSP.  At least I get to watch the walls melt awhile before I end up with my face over the garbage can again.    I've yet to actually NEED the garbage can for any sort of regurgitational purposes, but it has the added bonus of the cool lid being quite soothing against my fevered brow.  I just wish I'd taken out the apple peels first.

Whoops.  There goes my ability to focus my eyes.  G'night, everybody.

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