 |
 It's Like Gravy, Only Better              
|
|
|
 |
|
|
May 2001
 I still don't know if it's a good idea for Sean to live forever, click anyway though, I'm sure they don't actually work. And if they do? God help us all. In other news, Professor Particle has a new column today entitled Don't Laugh AT Geeks. Laugh WITH them and I couldn't agree with him more. You people are animals! Can't I walk down the street in peace? In other, other news, I've decided to get into retro-gaming so I'm buying an original NES. $30 buys me the deck, two controllers, the light gun and the fabulous Duck-Hunt/Super Mario cart. Pretty sweet eh? Stop laughing at me! (laugh with me) This just in: It seems our friends ValueClick are showing us paying ads again so please go to the forum and give 'em a click. May 27/2001 (1:55 PM) ~ posted by Ash I'd like to take this opportunity to thank all the folks who came to check out the Cranken-rock and roll show last night, which was by all accounts pretty Cranken-cool. Special thanks goes to JP, Sean, and Gareth, who showed up to led their support to Tangmonkey Record's most tangible band, despite the fact that they no doubt had much, much better things to do, although I'll grant that actually meeting Crankenstein from the Forums is truly a treat like no other. For all who didn't attend, you missed a hell of a show, in that there was a show and it was hell. But, thanks to some creative book-keeping, we are all the richer for having attended. Plus, an intellecutally stimulating conversation at the bar provided us with this Sunday's Quote of the Week: "Dead chicks can't say no". Rock and roll. May 26/2001 (6:17 PM) ~ posted by Sean Well, I've been there and back again. I left yesterday for Montreal. Now, one train trip, two cocktails, three lovely hours spent with friends, and a bus ride later, I'm home. Just in time for the Crankenstein concert Ash outlines below. And as for those of you who would think that I might be bitter having discovered that Mogwai was performing in Montreal tonight, well... you're right. But that's okay. Crankenstein will be just great. Right? Right? Right?! Come on, somebody reassure me here... Last week I reviewed the Sigur Ròs' 1999 album, Ágætis Byrjun. I was sort of bashful about my sheer inability to actually describe the music, and a few other people made various underhanded comments about the lack of any sort of coherent summary of the band's "sound". Well, as I said at the time - and as I continue to say now - it's really, very hard - and perhaps impossible. I have been redeemed, however, by Nude as the News. They, too, have taken it upon themselves to review the album. Phil Lindert gives the record a 9.5, going on to echo my sentiments about the group's deft escape from any descriptive pigeonhole. "Normally, here's the point in a review where I'd talk about the songs," he says, "The truth is that I tried that for at least four tracks, and I realized that I kept using the same words: beautiful, suddenly changes, angelic voices, indescribable. And what good is that? Nothing can properly prepare you for what you will hear on Agaetis Byrjun." If my review didn't convince you that these fellas are worth hearing, well, read Phil's. And stop attacking the (meager) credibility of my music criticism! Oh, want something else to tide yourself over? Here are some things not to do on a unicycle. Please, JP, take note. May 26/2001 (12:48 AM) ~ posted by Ash I'm just here to condense Sean's elephantine post to its bare bones, which is that there is a TANGMONKEY-supported (sort of) concert being held at the Underground, at the corner of Bank and Sunnyside, tommorrow, Saturday May 26. The four-band bash is a charity event, with proceeds going to buy juvenile delinquents more beer so they don't have to drink Cepacol anti-bacterial mouthwash and go blind for three hours anymore. The show features local rock bands The Crabwebs, Pegleg, Manotick's own Spy Girl, and of course headliners Crankenstein, fresh off the Asian leg of their world tour. Cover charge is 5$, and as a special treat for all true PULP fans, yours truly will be there to sit alone in a corner and glower. Be there or be square, all you Ottawa Tangmonkians. May 25/2001 (3:28 PM) ~ posted by Sean My bags are packed, I'm ready to go... Before you all anxiously begin to wring your hands, teeth clenched and wary, anticipating that I might break into song, you may rest easy. While both my Chantal Kraviazuk and John Denver impressions are top-notch, I will save my interpretations for another day. The above was not the opening of a singing session; it was simply the truth. I am about to engage upon a lightning-quick trip to Montreal, and, correspondingly, my bags are, well, packed, and I'm ready to go. I will return, of course, in time to attend the supergroovy TANGMONKEY-supported Crankenstein concert, at Ottawa's "The Underground", Saturday night. As it's Friday, the new Mumbles & Murmurs article has been up for almost twelve hours. This week I air my 2000 Top Ten List, and take on Weezer's new album. How's that for excitement? Here at Headquarters, we're gearing up for an extended Chinese Buffet Session, working hard on two new sections, plotting a possible redesign, and optimistically observing the growth of a papaya plant. BLAG has a whole lot of amazing interviews lined up - it's very, very exciting - and JP will inform you as things progress. It's a good time to be involved in Tangmonkey. In other news... This month's Esquire magazine has a fascinating article about Michael Stipe. What's most interesting isn't the insight we're given on REM's lead singer, but rather the nature of the piece. Author Tom Junod has written his profile in a most outrageous manner: It's mostly untrue. Yeah, that's right, he made most of it up. Of course, they explain this at the beginning, but numerous columnists have been confounded, hollering for Junod's head. Some think it's an interesting experiment, a comment on the nature of celebrity worship and celebrity reporting. Either way, it's an entertaining read, especially when you look it on the Web, where footnotes explain whats true and what's tripe. (Or, if you prefer, what's tripe and what's Stipe. Har har har.) Stop the presses! Learn what everyone's talking about! The UK version of Survivor! Need your Radiohead hit for the week, now that the Mumbles & Music review has been archived? StopSmiling's look at Amnesiac is both perceptive in its analysis of the record, and also in its discussion of the current music scene. If you're into that stuff (read: if you have thick-rimmed glasses and dig indie rock), check it out. Need an easy way to read the last 6 weeks' worth of Dilbert? Nic's done it for you. Finally, the new "Fellowship of the Ring" trailer is out. As many of you will know, I am burbling with anticipation for the upcoming Lord of the Rings movie trilogy, and, unlike the last teaser, this one is outstanding. Mythic, wondrous and beautiful. If you know the books, and that whispered voice from the cave doesn't send shivers of glee up and down your spine, well, I'll eat an ice-cream sundae. The trailer is truly excellent, despite the crappy (Real) format, and everyone should go look at it right now. With that said, I'm off. Nobody derail any trains, OK? May 25/2001 (12:11 AM) ~ posted by Sean
May 24/2001 (2:47 AM) ~ posted by JP Ok, I'm wayyyy to tired to be funny, witty or intelligent right now (I'm tired most of the time) so I'll just give you the facts for now and fill in the details later.
May 24/2001 (12:03 AM) ~ posted by Ash This is just to reassure everybody that yes, the Crankenstein show is still taking place this Saturday (the 26) in Ottawa at the Underground, on the corner of Bank and Sunnyside. There had been some concern that the band would have to cancel due to illness. Lead singer Mr. Sculf*c has been feeling a little off recently, but the show will continue as scheduled. Doctors had attributed the illness to either a touch of the flu, food poisoning, or the bottle of freaking Cepacol mouthwash he drank last night. All true PULP fans should be in attendance, as I will be making an appearance to sigh autographs in support of the rock and roll group. May 23/2001 (6:05 PM) ~ posted by Sean
Well, there you have it. There are three ways to look at these results. First, we could interpret this to merely be the result of a poll in which a high-standing (and well-known) tangmonkey figure was paired against an unknown, and somewhat exotic, contender. In much the same way that a brainless monkey was not elected President of the USA, due to the American public's unfamiliarity with monkeys, Catherine was not elected by you, our visitors. Then again, perhaps the whole monkey-president analogy wasn't a particularly good one. Since my analogy sucked, let's just dismiss the entire paragraph. Obviously, the rationale for JP's rehiring must be one of the following: Now, in analyzing these results, I find myself forced to throw away the first of the above two suggestions. Why? Well, the Tangmonkey visitor who best typifies the "complete buffoons, utter idiots, and mindless zombies", in fact, voted against JP. To paraphrase the remark in question: "Well, I came to understand that JP is an English expression for the stubby remains of cigarettes, who enjoys the aromas that waft from crevices, while grabbing it in the defecation meerschaum."Evidently, the reason for JP's readmission is not that the morons were voting for him. This leaves us only one conclusion... That JP was rehired because clumsy, stupid oafs fit in here. Embezzling, in fact, is right at home. This conclusion angers me. As VP in Charge of Wit, I most adamantly deny that TANGMONKEY.COM is a dumb place. I mean, I just used the word meerschaum. Throw me a bone here! It's frustrating to have no choice but to accept that my peers are bone-heads. What's even more frustrating is that if you follow this conclusion to its natural end, I too must be a bone-head. I don't think I'm a bonehead. Do you think I'm a bonehead? God-above, I don't know any more. Bone-head or not a bone-head? The archetypical Lord of Losers, or not? Visitors to TANGMONKEY.COM have until 7PM on Thursday, May 23, to decide whether or not Sean is a bone-head. Vote by email, or in the Forum! In other news... TANGMONKEY.COM's "Contribute" page has been updated. While it may yet be tweaked, it has fairly up-to-date information on how you can make Tangmonkey better. Whether you're an artist, writer or coder (or even simply someone with too much time on your hands), you can contribute to this site, improving it for all of humanity. Everybody hates advertisements. Well, at least some advertisements. Ever wished you could spout off about the ones you hate? Well you can! In TM's RANT! section. If you want to read Marketing people complain about lousy ads, however, you're probably better off reading ADWEAK. Bars range from the good to the bad to the deplorable. Some have import beers, other have shows by Crankenstein. But how many do you know that have secret passwords and spy cameras? Milwaukee's famous Safe House sounds way cool, even if you sometimes to have to dance to get in. The New Yorker's got a fascinating, in-depth article that looks at Ultima Online and its up-and-down history. The recent uproar about CSS and academia's successful decryption of new industry audio standards gives even more emphasis to the importance of deciding what's free speech and what's against the law. Do people have a right to articulate the methods by which you can get around music or video copy-protection? What if this code is represented as art? For your benefit and for mine, thanks to Bosze Oliver, we can now find out about those taboo words that are to be avoided. Don't worry, there's nothing there you haven't seen before. Finally, ever wanted to fake it? Playing the blues, I mean. Sicko. Well, now you can. Hooray! Remember to let your voice be heard in the matter of Sean's bone-headedness. Vote by by email, or in the Forum. May 22/2001 (3:52 PM) ~ posted by Sean
Alarming, is it not? I mean, he spelled at least two words wrong: Susan and Robbert. This man was our former VP in Charge of T-Shirts and Agendas? Honestly! Given, he did make some valuable contributions - were it not for JP, the entire Tangmonkey Group would be shirtless - but does that justify his putrid actions? Speaking of putrid... It was discovered yesterday that Ken McDavitt is not actually funny. Although his resume indicated that he had a courageous sense of humour and a biting wit, these assertions proved to be utterly false. He isn't funny at all. Not that he doesn't make jokes - he does. Or at least he speaks non sequitur statements with the inflection that usually accompanies the setup and punchline of a humourous barb. In Ken's case, however, the humourous barb is in actuality a monotonous, droning, unjoke - something so piping hot that it drives the listener into a meandering depression instead of a gleeful chuckle. Several members of the staff, while carousing at the water cooler, elicited a discussion with the "new guy", only to be victimized by one of these dangerous unjokes. As a result (much to the chagrin of the group), several workers were sent to hospital, all the while screaming in agony about the unparalleled horror of Mr. McDavitt's sense of humour. Foremost of these victims was Professor Particle, author of the General Irrelativity column. As a result of the wounds he has sustained (both mental and physical), there is no article from him today - it will be posted whenever he is able. In a follow-up to our disastrous experience with Ken "Sure, I'm funny! Wokka wokka!" McDavitt, he has been soundly fired. In a cannon. To the moon. Har har. Anyway, back to JP... Given his past contributions, we at the Tangmonkey Group are considering rehiring Mr. Davidson. The question is, however, do his past contributions outweight his terrible, terrible failures? We are also considering one Catherine Brunet for acceptance into the Tangmonkey Group. She has shown herself to be articulate, intelligent, and suicidally hard-working. What's more, Sheila recommended her. (Exclamation mark!) Here is a sample of some of JP's work: May 21/2001 (1:53 AM) ~ posted by JP Here is a sample of some of Catherine Brunet's work: [D]oes the death of any man diminishing Donne reflect his beliefs that mankind is bound together by an omnipotent force which controls the destinies of individual men, but ultimately affects every member of humankind, or is the reaction of the poet a conscious choice based on a post-lapsarian model of the universe in which the world is of a problematic character complete with death and suffering, but in which the individual at least has the free will to turn inwards and philosophically consider the ramifications of the death of a single member of the species? We put it to you, loyal Tangmonkey readers. Given the above example of JP's writing, and that of Ms. Brunet, which of them should we hire? You have exactly 24 hours to let your opinion be known. Email Sean, or post a message in the Tangmonkey Forum - please, help us make this decision. Is it JP we want? Or Catherine? Who is the more valuable addition? Your aid is much appreciated. In other news... The Spark is overseeing a delightful project into voyeurism and sisterhood. It features a young lad who stalks his sister as she goes out on dates. Sound like your idea of fun? Roger Moore, former 007, has his own idea of who should be the next James Bond. No, it's not Russell Crowe. Here's a hint... "I'm named after a central-American communist dictatorship!" Everybody likes math - even attractive women (as we can all attest). But who'd have predicted that solid mathematical concepts can prove that girls = evil? This Christmas, part one of a live-action version of the Lord of the Rings comes to the silver screen. Despite the book's staunch following across the world, its literary merit is the object of much dispute. Was Tolkien a master or a muffin? Finally, sometimes you stumble across horrible, horrible websites. It is rare, however, to discover a site that not only looks bad, but whose content also apalls. Corrina Bruton's Homepage includes comments such as this: "I am 16 years old, I was born in Rocksprings Wyoming, I was delivered by Dr. Weirdsma on July 7, 1983! ... I now live with my fiance Oscar Loya, we bought a three bedroom ,two bathroom home. I have lived with him for about four months now and am loving it! My little sister Jotie is seven months pregnant and she's having a boy! ... [Oscar]'s my little monkey! We have been together for eleven months and we plan to get married on July 14,2000! Oscar is 21 years old, he graduated high school in 1998, he loves to go hunting (he gets a little trigger happy sometimes!)... My favorite animal is the Tiger my livingroom in mine and Oscars house is done in tigers it looks like a jungle in there!" Hooray for Humanity! Remember to give your $0.02 in the TM Who-To-Hire Game. JP Davidson? Or Catherine Brunet? Vote by email, or in the Forum! May 21/2001 (10:03 PM) ~ posted by Ash I've just spent the last 5 hours playing the new Evil Dead video game, topped off with an episode of The Man Show, and quite frankly, I'm fairly proud of myself. And speaking of Evil Dead, star Bruce Campbell, or as I like to call him, Jesus, has his own book coming out on June 18th, and I urge you all to get paper routes now so you can save up and buy it. May 21/2001 (2:24 PM) ~ posted by Sean
May 21/2001 (12:53 AM) ~ posted by JP JP's words of wisdom: "Ash is retarded". Also, there's a new Evil Love Comic today, check it out. May 21/2001 (12:19 AM) ~ posted by Ash Ash's quote of the week: "Well, it's not like she's ugly retarded". Thank you, Batturtle, for your words of wisdom. May 20/2001 (2:28 PM) ~ posted by Ash OK, there are a few things that need to be cleared up. First of all, I never suggested it would be a good idea to hire Scott O'Connell. I just said it would be funny. And it was, unless you happen to be Kelly Hobelman or whoever's skull he managed to get a hold of. And secondy, I do not and have never liked the Beatles. I bring it up because it was mentioned in Sean's latest album review of some fruity foreign band. For some bizarre reason, rumours have been floating around for years that I'm some sort of closet Beatles nut, based entirely upon the fact that in juniour high, being a huge Nirvana fan, I had long rocker hair and glasses, causing me to look somewhat like a rather puny John Lennon. However, as anyone who knows me (go ahead, try and find one) will tell you, I am entirely too anal about spelling to like the music of a band who can't even get their own name right. I'd like to consider the matter closed from now on. May 20/2001 (12:01 AM) ~ posted by Sean
May 18/2001 (8:55 PM) ~ posted by Sean
May 17/2001 (11:32 PM) ~ posted by Ash I just got back from (rather unwillingly) seeing Scratching Post in concert tonight. For those unfamiliar with this particular rock and roll group, they started out as kind of a punky, indie rock sorta band before gradually metamorphosizing into what would happen if you let Milla Jovovitch sing for Cannibal Corpse. While I still remain firm in my belief that chick rock is morally bankrupt, I've decided that it's at least tolerable as long as the lead singer wears bitch boots and tops that can double as hair bands in a pinch. Oh, and if anybody wants to send in submissions for next month's PULP, now's the time to start thinking about sending them in. May 17/2001 (12:39 PM) ~ posted by Sean
When this email arrived in my inbox, I was at first excited, thinking that this was perhaps one of those delightfully jouncy 'chain letters' that Bryan is so keen on. Upon seeing the subject line ("My resignation"), I corrected my assumption: this was obviously one of those hysterically funny jokes that Bryan was also fond of sending every single employee of TANGMONKEY.COM (eg: 'Two peanuts are walking down the street. One of them was assaulted... peanut!). Then, however, I opened the message. And I was appalled. Yes, the grievance in that message was heinous indeed. He spelled "Sean" wrong, on the first line. I read no further; that error was enough. There was, and is, no reason to read beyond that offensive, irritating, inflammatory first line. Quickly I sent for Sean Connery, the Group's Disposal Agent. He arrived by pneumatic tube, and I expediently set him out to fire Bryan Walsh's spiky-haired, Ani-listening ass. Several hours leader, after having recovered from Walsh's most grievous offense, I was reclining with Group brethren in suede, hovering futons and watching the poorly named Girlfight (hint: not enough girls fighting!), I received a telegram that seemed to indicate that VP in Charge of Pulp, Ash, had been the unsuspecting victim of a non-sexual crush by... you guessed it... Bryan Walsh. I could only breathe a sigh of relief and clap myself on the back for so quickly realizing that Bryan, despite his overwhelming qualifications and abilities, was a good-for-nothing, bad-speling miscreant. This morning, the Group had a board meeting in order to discuss our troubles of the past few days. While riding our nautical unicorns, carousing and dining on eclairs, we decided that as no person had been able to meet our needs, so far, we would find persons to do so. As a result, I am delighted to welcome Ben Piper and Patrick Snyder to TANGMONKEY.COM. My first meeting with Ben consisted of him walking into the room and declaring "I'm better than everybody!" Suitably impressed, I began to grovel before him, rubbing my face into the Princess Diana-hair carpet. Patrick soon arrived at his side, and made some comment (I am sure it was pronouncedly witty! exclamation mark!) that I did not quite make out. We hired them on the spot, to assist us in conjunction with our development of web-side server outgrowth. In other news... Did you know about the Great Harry Potter Court Debacle? Did Rowling steal her ideas from some obnoxious American? Nobody knows! Do you think you are immune to the power of CUTE? Well... think again. Finally, if you've ever wondered how your awareness of ethics matches up against those of the world's foremost Moral Philosophers, there is now a (somewhat commercial, somewhat clunky-working) way to find out. May 17/2001 (12:22 AM) ~ posted by Ash I'd just like to go on the record as stating that I think I'm having a heart attack. I just watched Ms. Congeniality, and now my left arm is numb. Also, I'm starting to think that I may have enjoyed the film, which can only be explained by a decrease in blood flow to the brain, so if nobody hears from me for the next few days, just assume I'm dead. May 16/2001 (3:27 PM) ~ posted by Sean It is my pleasure to announce that Bryan Walsh has been hired by the Tangmonkey Group, in a follow-up to our disastrous experience with Andrea Long. Despite early indications that Andrea would be a most lovely and competent addition to the TANGMONKEY.COM staff, things turned awry Tuesday afternoon. As in the incident involving Heather Murray, it was Ash (Vice-President in Charge of Pulp) who first unveiled just how mistaken we had been in the hiring of Andrea. While the rest of the Tangmonkey Group was in the Velours Lounge, engaging in a most delightful game of flamingo croquet, VP Ash was heard to exclaim "I'm a goblin not an elf, you tit!" and "I'll show you where you can shove your boon!". After leaping onto our hydrogen-powered hoverboards, the Tangmonkey executive was alarmed to find Ash huddled in his cardboard box, munching on a kitten head, murmuring something about killing Andrea if he weren't such a simpering weakling. Further investigations revealed that Andrea Long is not simply a dirty hippy... she is also, it seems, a singer. As all of our readers can attest, women who sing have got the shakespeares cranked to 11, and the Group, in its desire to date Ms. Long, had no choice but to fire her. Rumour has it that Ulmo has scheduled a rendezvous with the former TANGMONKEY employee. Sexual harassment suits should be forwarded here. As was previous stated, Andrea's replacement is one Bryan Walsh. Bryan, despite his sometime-spiky hair and inability to finish meals, is very qualified for the post. He will be assisting us in conjunction with our development of web-side server outgrowth. We look forward to working with him. In other news... Be sure to read, as JP suggested, his new interview with the creator of Avalon. Also check out Crankenstein's Ottawa concert, on May 26. Do, too, remember to participate in the Tangmonkey Forum. In the United States, Coca-Cola's answer to Doctor Pepper is not Cherry Coke. It appears to be the ungodly drink 'Mr. Pibb'. No, I'm not joking. Not everyone's cracked up to be a squirrel fisherman. Some people are simply better suited for juggling, or for being computer hackers who employ birds instead of modems. I suppose all that's fine, just so long as you don't burn hamsters. May 16/2001 (12:06 AM) ~ posted by Ash Just as a point of interest, some readers might like to know that PULP has temporarily moved its headquarters to the nation's capital after a rather unpleasant incident involving a female neighbor and a length of rubber hose caused me to be, ahem, evicted. Rest assured that we will still continue to provide you with the high quality humour, commentary, and discriminatory attitude you've come to expect from us. In other news, I hope all true PULP fans will be out in force for the latest Crankenstein show, to be held in Ottawa on May the 26 at the Underground. More details to follow. May 15/2001 (9:32 PM) ~ posted by JP It being wednesday (almost) my new column is online, it's an interview of Josh Phillips who draws the popular web-comic Avalon. Check it out. In other news, Sean has been demoted from "VP in charge of Wit" to "Troll in charge of posting [now fixed but previously] broken links". May 15/2001 (3:04 PM) ~ posted by Sean
May 14/2001 (4:02 PM) ~ posted by Sean
May 13/2001 (3:11 PM) ~ posted by Sean  It is my pleasure to announce that Matthew Cole has been officially hired by the Tangmonkey Group, in conjunction with our development of web-side server outgrowth. Now attending Queens' University, we here hope that Matthew will add a new, dynamic, creative voice to the TANGMONKEY empire. In other news... As I hope you all know, Douglas Adams, author of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, passed away on Friday at the tender age of 49. He will be missed by many, across the world, for his gentle - yet biting - commentaries on the world, its inhabitants, and those cute locales at the end of the universe. If you're interested in participating in what may yet be the most important legacy the brilliant Mr. Adams leaves (seriously), check out his ongoing, collective project, a Hitchhiker's Guide to Earth (aka h2g2e). The picture at left is of a spider mite crawling around on some eensy-weensy computer chip, called a "nanochip". See more capital tangmonkey photos here. I'd also like to salute Forrest, who has decided to go off Tree Planting for a month or two. Famous for his Sleaze Project, he will be missed. Thanks to Bryan for pointing out this fun website for dumb, computer-illiterate people who should be sent to live in an "Assisted Computing Facility". The best page is the testimonial. Finally, everyone should also go check out The 5k Contest, whose 2001 winners have been announced. The contestants and organizers help to promote some of the web's most outstanding design, innovation and whimsy. The winning site has porn! No... it's good porn. Really. Go look. It's fun and cool and neat. Not like this dirty, dirty page about orgasms. Well, ok... it's not actually dirty. May 13/2001 (9:38 AM) ~ posted by Mike Serra Well, since the main reason I do Bug & Robot is because it appears in my weekly college newspaper, it is currently on hiatus because I'm bogged down with finals and papers and stuff. While our paper doesn't come out over the summer, I WILL be drawing a few new strips over the summer as soon as I get the chance and posting them here, so if you need a BnR fix, this is the place to get it. Also, feel free to post some BnR comments on the comics forum or email me at bugandrobot@hotmail.com... I would love some feedback! May 12/2001 (5:10 PM) ~ posted by Ash I've got good news and bad news, kiddies. The good news is that a long lost PULP article has been found and restored. The article in question was the introduction to PULP's controversial Christmas edition, issue 6:66 Son of Santa, and can be found here. The bad news is that I just watched the majority of Freddy Got Fingered, so someone has to die for me to feel better, and there's no one in the house but me. Oh well. May 11/2001 (4:09 PM) ~ posted by Sean
You can visit the Columns index by clicking the appropriate link on above, or on the left sidebar. New columnists are always welcome. If you have an idea for a weekly piece, email me. May 10/2001 (7:03 PM) ~ posted by JP Pulp 6 is out!I apologize to all you ravenous pulp fans out there but I had school and other fun stuff to worry about. There's also a forum topic that I've created so you call all scream at Ash after having read it. You hippies out there should pay special attention to this issue. Thanks to everyone who's been clicking the banners, keep it up! May 8/2001 (12:07 PM) ~ posted by JP There's a new Bug & Robot and a new Evil Love Comic today! That is all. May 6/2001 (5:59 PM) ~ posted by Ash Well, the new PULP is out, although it's not up on the site yet. If you'd like an advance copy of the email version, get on the subscription list by mailing to pulp@stupid.com or pulp@tangmonkey.com. Also, I've started a forum topic about movies, because I greatly enjoy complaining about them. I put it in the PULP forums so I can be the moderator and delete any posts that disagree with me. May 6/2001 (2:46 PM) ~ posted by Sean The Saurus has been updated with not one, not two, but... well... four new entries. Try to pick 'em out. If you have any proposals for future additions, you can submit your suggestion for consideration by the Tangmonkey Group. May 4/2001 (4:55 PM) ~ posted by Sean  Sean, someone has sent you a voodoo messageWhat a lovely email to wake up to in the morning. Granted, it was me who sent the Voodoo curse to myself - but how could I resist the opportunity? It's not every day that you find Baron Samedi is available to be forwarded by email. Talk about a great e-business concept! The only problem with the site is that the creepy images are unaccompanied by creepy sounds. And as any complete and utter moron can attest, the scariest things are accompanied by horrific noises. Brittney Cleary, for instance, is the queen of horrific noises. Ingredient 1: She's a Shania Twain clone. Ingredient 2: She's not from Timmins. Ingredient 3: She's 12 years old. Ingredient 4: Her 'hit single' is about Instant Messaging. Yes, that's right: AIM, ICQ and MSN Instant Messenger. If none of the above ingredients make you retch Necco candy buttons, perhaps the song's lyrics will. If you are still standing, not passed out on the ground in a pool of vomit, well... listen to the song. (Disclaimer: Abandon all hope, ye who enter there.) I have buckets of links to share with you, from a page that houses Scientology's most closely held secrets to Mr. Bling Bling's Ca$h Money Page, which is... well... a testament to the notion that the lowest common denominator does indeed have a home on the Web. To begin, let's talk music. Ever wondered what it would look like if your Dad wrote an article on punk music? Well... now you know. While on the topic of tunes, I should also explain to you all why Sean's DMB Odyssey has not been updated. The reason is simple: my opponent - JHayne@transy.edu - has gone AWOL. His email address no longer works. He's gone, defunct, fled the city. He is no more. So I've got nothing new to post. sigh In happier Dave Matthews Band news, however, I've gotten my hands on the Lillywhite Sessions - that is, the unreleased songs which were recorded by the band with their original, good producer. The tracks kick Everyday's ass, and I'm not the only one who thinks so. Not that I wouldn't have advice to give those kids from Virginia, much as these 11-year olds from Seattle have advice to give Guided by Voices. Everyone's a critic. It seems that genetically altered babies have already been born/created/invoked. Where? Why, in the United States, of course. This shouldn't surprising anyone. After all, the USA lets its states post the last words of executed criminals online. Oh well, they may have met their match in China. Well... not really, but the two countries have a neat hacking wargoing on! Exclamation mark! This article gives an interesting, articulate look at the violence that rose out of protests in Seattle and Quebec City, arguing that this violence does indeed have an important role in such demonstrations. By comparing the Quebec and Seattle protests to the relatively unpublicized (almost completely peaceful) protests in Washington DC, the piece makes a compelling - and potentially disturbing - point, regardless of on which side of the issue you're on. Want to see someone staple money to himself? Some people might think that this is the way that girls get their start in pop music... but if you ask me, it's all about having your mother write emails. Just ask Christina Aguilera. Finally, if I had a penny for every time I heard that God suffered from bipolar disorder, I'd be a millionnaire - but I'm not, so instead I'll simply grease the palms of all those Forum banner-clicking visitors out there by, well, yawning and pointing the way to the new Final Fantasy trailer that all of the boys will be getting excited about. Ho hum. If you ask me, this is much cooler. May 1/2001 (11:49 PM) ~ posted by JP I finally got around to formatting the new section of pulp's deleted scenes so check it out. It's got poetry oddly enough. When will that Ash fellow learn HTML? In other news the forum is starting to heat up again, delving into such controversial topics as free speech or lack thereof. Have a look and keep clicking that banner at the bottom of the page! All the support we've gotten so far is much appreciated, keep it up! |
|
|
